Mama Moment

Hello Friday!

This week has been very frustrating for me,

but here I am to put everything into perspective. 

My little man has never been a sleeper, but I've always just gone with it. 

I don't complain on Facebook about how I get no sleep, and about how tired I am.

(Only to my husband... Sometimes!) 

I am a Mama to my sweet little boy and that comes before anything.

However as I am trying to grow and stay on top of my business, 

I've become very frustrated this week.

The longest naps I can remember Jackson taking are about 2 hours, 

but those days are rare.

(He has never, ever been a sleeper, even as a newborn.)

At the most, I get a one, hour and a half nap.

(I talk about my thoughts on lack of sleep here)

An hour and a half a day to myself... what do I do?

Clean up the mess from building with blocks, playing with hot wheels,

and reading all morning?

 Finish the dishes, laundry, water the plans outside (whoops!)

or take that time to work on my custom orders, design a new product, 

prepare for my next blog post?

So much to do, literally not enough time.

This week, Jackson has been falling asleep only to wake up a half hour later.

I see he's still tired, yet it takes me almost an hour to get him back to sleep. 

My schedule has been non-existent.

Sometimes I don't shower until an hour before my husband gets home, 

sometimes I just throw my hair up, and say maybe tomorrow. 

(I always brush my teeth and put on deodorant though- I'm not THAT gross!)

I don't ever take it out on Jackson,

I just hold it in (healthy I know!) and grow more and more frustrated by the day. 

But I absolutely hate that.

We all know when you hold things in those feelings build up,

and sneak out at the most inappropriate moments. 

So this week I've felt my frustrations spilling over into other parts of my life.

I'm drained and have no energy.

(If anyone wants to send me an iced caramel macchiato from Starbucks, 

I would be forever grateful. :) 

However, as much as my husband may not know, 

and as much as I don't want to admit

I love reality checks. 

It snaps me out of my funk, and makes me really realize what I have,

and how grateful I am for this life I was given. 

As I'm sure with many others I've been following Prayers for Shane on Facebook.

And if you don't know their story you can click here to read it. 

First of all, what an amazingly strong couple. 

I don't know if I would have it in me to be as strong as they were-

knowing what their end result would most likely be. 

Yesterday their sweet little boy was born, and passed away just hours later.

Reading the story brought tears to my eyes, but then I saw the pictures they posted. 

I couldn't help but cry.

A sweet, innocent baby boy, born into this world, 

who didn't have a chance at a life full of love and adventure.

Two loving parents who did everything right, 

and still left the hospital without their son in their arms.

I have a happy, healthy little man, who I thank God everyday for.

Why was I letting such silly things get to me?!

What that couple wouldn't give for a few frustrating days with their son.

I'm sure they would give their left arm to be in my position, 

and here I am all week long letting these silly feelings build up.

Over what. 

It makes me realize just HOW blessed my husband and I am.

Jackson spent 10 months in my belly growing as healthy as could be. 

Not one complication.

The day he came into this world was a little stressful, and with some umbilical cord issues, and his heart rate dropping to levels we were definitely not comfortable with, 

we had a moments notice before a safe and successful c-section.

Then, there he was. 

Healthy, beautiful, perfect, and safe in my arms. 

I don't take a second of my life with him for granted.

I know that a healthy baby is such a blessing.

Following baby Shane's story made me realize that sometimes life isn't fair,

and that sometimes things are out of our control. 

It made me realize the things I was getting worked up about were beyond silly.

And that's the thing with social media.

You see that you are not alone.

There are all sorts of mama's out there, all with different stories. 

Each and every one with their own struggles.

The last story that really hit me was little Ryan (Red Balloons For Ryan)

I did not know the family personally,but every time I looked at the sweet Mama's Instagram

I couldn't help but tear up, looking at pictures of her perfect little boy.

One day here, the next taken way too soon. 

Anytime I hear a story involving little ones, I automatically think of Jackson.

I can't imagine my life without that little bright eyed, huge smile, little ball of love and energy.

So what I've realized,

If the worst of my problems is a short nap, I'm seriously one of the luckiest mamas.

I got so mad at myself yesterday afternoon, 

the fourth day of Jackson totally being off his schedule.

I just sat down with a fresh cup of coffee, opened up my laptop,

and as soon as I sat down, I heard him crying. 

I let out a loud sigh- told my husband how frustrated I was

closed up my laptop and went back into his room.

I picked him up, sat in the rocking chair, and looked at his sweet, innocent little face.
And that is when I thought about baby Shane.

His parents literally got a few hours with him, to hold him, kiss him, keep him in their arms.
I get each and every day.
I held Jackson so tight, and didn't care how long it took for him to fall back asleep.

It literally took an hour, but he finally fell back asleep.

I laid him on the floor, then laid on the floor next to him.
(You know those times when you just want to be close to your babies?)

He curled his little body into mine, wrapped his little arm around me,

and squeezed me tight.

How did he know that is just what I was needing?!

I don't know why he's not napping, but is it worth all the negative energy?

Definitely not. 

This should have never even turned into an issue in my life in the first place.

(I can be a little crazy sometimes.)

He is happy, healthy, and my everything.

All I can do is adjust to these new schedules,

which I'm sure will change, oh, only a million more times. 

I truly wake up each day, more thankful than the last.

For my life, my little one, my husband and our family, and for our health.

I hate that sometimes I let these little frustrating moments turn into bigger ones. 

Especially when they are just that. 

Little moments. Imperfect moments that will pass. 

So, here's to a much different attitude next week!

TGIF! :)