Thursday, September 11, 2014

Moments

Okay- you are all going to have to bare with me the next few months. 
In just five days, my little man will be turning 21 months. 
3 months until his second birthday. 
As in- two years old.

How. Did. That. Happen. 

As the days pass, and as he keeps getting bigger and bigger
(no matter how hard I pray he doesn't)
I can't help but think back to those days where he was just a dream.
Where I just imagined how perfect he was going to be.
I think back to those first days, weeks, where the only thing I was sure of
was just how much I was head over heels in love with this little baby
that was now my absolute world.

So before I started Simply Sweet Moments, I had a private family blog. 
I was reading through it tonight, because I felt like getting really emotional 
and shedding a few tears over how big Jackson is getting
instead of "sleeping when the baby sleeps." :)

Okay, not really. But I'm not sure what I expected to happen 
by taking a trip down memory lane. 

Anyways, I wrote and still write letters to Jackson.
My hopes are to take in all these little moments that will some day
make up the biggest moments of my life.

So here was my first post, about Jackson's first month.

______________________________________________

Dear Jackson,

I can’t believe you are already one month old.
The past four weeks my mind has been flooded with the most precious moments. 
Moments that I never want to forget. 
Moments that will forever mean the world to me.
Since I became pregnant, I have had a fear inside of me. 
A fear that one day these little moments will fade, 
and I will slowly start to forget. 
Forget the little things that put the biggest smile on my face, 
and that brought a tear to my eye. 
The little things that fill my heart with so much love and happiness. 
From the feeling of your little kicks when you were in my belly.
to the cries I couldn't hold in when seeing you for the first time. 
Your adorable facial expressions, the way your little cries sound. 
and the way my world stops when I'm holding you close.

Little everyday things.
I also fear that I will try so hard to preserve moments with you, 
that I won’t enjoy them to the fullest while they are happening. 
I’ve taken a million pictures, and write down as many thoughts as I can, 
but I think sometimes I have to just let those fears go, and enjoy.
I just want to be able to look back and remember this time in our lives. 
The little details that may fade in time. 
Writing them down helps me know that they are there. 
They are in a place that I can come back to, to remember.
They also lessen the anxiety I get fearing that one day they will be lost.
I want Jackson to be able to look back one day, 
and know just how much we loved him. 
I want him to know that I tried my hardest each and everyday 
to be the best mommy in the world to him. 
I want him to see all the experiences we gave him, 
and all the little things he did that made our hearts melt.
I’ve decided that each month, I will post about “moments” I don’t want to forget, 
along with some of my favorite pictures. So here we go!
Moments: The First Month
I never EVER want to forget the very moment you came into our lives. 
After a stressful delivery (a "sort of emergency" c-section) hearing your little cries 
for the very first time was seriously the most beautiful sound ever… 
so strong. so perfect. 
Seeing your tiny little face for the first time. 
(and touching your little button nose)
even more perfect and handsome than I could have ever imagined. 
When they brought you over to me, my whole world stopped. 
There you were… I couldn't believe it. Our baby boy. 
My heart was bursting with love for you from that very second. 
A love so strong, I never thought was possible. 
I will never forget how alert you were from the very beginning. 
Eyes so open and bright. 

I never want to forget how tiny you were. 
Tiny eyes, ears, mouth, and nose. Tiny little fingers and toes.
Pure perfection.
I never want to forget our stay in the hospital, 
learning how to care for you, taking it all in, before we were off on our own.
I never want to forget the feeling of bringing you home that first day, 
how nervous I was, praying with all I had that I had it in me to be the best Mommy to you. 

I never want to forget stepping into our home for the very first time with you,
thinking- this is it. 
Absolutely everything I've ever wanted.
Starting our lives as a family of three.


Your first night home, not wanting to sleep in your bassinet,
and I was way too nervous to try putting you to sleep anywhere else! 
I sat awake on the couch all night while you slept in my arms. 
(This would be the morning I found out that the news started at 4:30am, haha.) 

It was such an amazing feeling to me,
knowing you felt so safe and comfortable in my arms.
Knowing that you knew I was your mommy,
and that I would hold you tight and keep you safe while you slept.
I never want to forget how tough things were in that first month. 
So many new fears and challenges, overwhelming feelings I had never, ever felt before. 
So many doubts in my mind as well.
I never want to forget just how amazing your Daddy was from the very beginning. 
How much he loved you from the very first second you were born. 
The way his eyes light up each time he sees you, holds you. 
Being a Daddy comes so natural to him, and especially in those first days… 
my eyes would fill with tears just seeing him with you.

I never want to forget your adorable facial expressions in that first month
(especially in your sleep), 
the little cooing sounds that you would make. Your little “smiles.”
I never want to forget the feeling I got when you looked at me the first time, 
the first time our eyes really connected 
and I felt like you knew that this person you were looking at was your Mommy.
One of the most amazing feelings ever.

I never want to forget the peaceful feeling of rocking you to sleep, 
with your head on my chest, or the feeling of your tiny little fingers gripping mine. 
I never want to forget how silly it was, 
that I got so sad when you grew out of your newborn diapers. 
The very first sign that you were getting bigger, was so bittersweet to me. 

And I never want to forget how proud we were on your one month birthday. 
One month old. 
Your daddy was bursting with excitement, and not only got you a couple 
“one month birthday” gifts, but a cookie cake too!

(Obviously we enjoyed that FOR you!)

I can't believe one month has already passed,
but this has been, by far, the most amazing month of my life.

I will be forever grateful that I was chosen to be your mommy,
and I can't wait for all the moments to come in this journey ahead.

We love you little man. 

40 comments:

  1. This is the sweetest post. I still love to think of those first precious weeks with my baby boy, who's now 18 months... arrgghh! They grow up too quickly don't they? :(

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    1. WAY too quickly, I say it's not fair, haha. :)

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  2. It's amazing how they grow so fast! What a sweet post!

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    1. Oh my gosh, quicker than I could ever imagine. But I wouldn't trade it for anything!

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  3. Sweetest post I've read all week! My nephews are now 6 & 8, and I too am wondering where the time went.

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    1. You are too sweet! Jackson's not even two and I'm still trying to figure out where the time went!

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  4. Adorable. :) My youngest will be two on Christmas and I'm not ready. But then again I am, having a 5 and 3 year old also it shows me that there are soooo many things to look forward to.

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    1. My little man will be 2 on December 16th, so close in age! He's our only right now so I'm definitely not ready but I know there is SO much to look forward to!

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  5. Happy Birthday to your son!

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  6. The time does go by so quickly. My little one is approaching 2.5 years now. :(

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    1. Oh my gosh. I had a little breakdown when he turned one, and I see that happening again. I'm definitely going to be an emotional mommy for his whole life! :)

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  7. Time goes by way too fast, that is for sure. He is precious!

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    1. Thanks so much Carly! He is the best! :)

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  8. Aw, he is so cute! I may or may not have been making baby noises at the little picture of him! Too precious!

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    1. Hahaha, that definitely made me laugh! And I'm calling you out- you were definitely making baby noises. :)

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  9. What a wonderful post! And the pictures are so precious! It's amazing how strong emotions our children evoke in us.

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    1. Stronger than I could have ever imagined! :)

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  10. Absolutely precious...and he is sooo adorable!!!

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  11. This is so, so precious! I loved it. Such a cute little man! Happy birthday Jackson!

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  12. I love your letter so precious, and he will love those photographs when older, keep taking them, hope you all have a wonderful celebrations on his birthday

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    1. Oh- I take no less then about 20 pictures DAILY. He will either think I'm totally crazy, or think I'm totally awesome! :)

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  13. He's so cute and your letters are always so well written/thought out!

    Katie <3

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    1. Thank you so much Katie, I hope one day he will enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them!

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  14. Such a cutie and a beautiful heartfelt post.

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  15. Aw this is absolutely adorable! It's so great you have these things to look back on :)

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    1. It's definitely therapeutic. I'm hoping it helps make me a little less crazy when trying to save up all these memories! :)

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  16. I am right there in the same boat. My youngest will be 2 in January-- and I seriously do not know where the time has gone. So sad.

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    1. I don't know where in the world it goes- but it goes way too fast! :(

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  17. this made me feel sad about how quickly my little one will grow up and he/she isn't even here yet! :(

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    1. Oh my gosh, haha sorry Jenny! It goes so fast, but it makes you really take the time to enjoy each and every little second. I wouldn't trade a minuet of my life with Jackson for the world! :)

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