19 Months

Jackson, I can't believe it was 19 months ago
that we brought you home from the hospital

and I rocked you to sleep for the very first time. 

Little did I know that even once you outgrew my lap and the rocking chair-
 we would still find a way to to make it work.
And I would be rocking you to sleep every night 

for the next 19 months... and counting. 

I got so emotional the other night- while rocking you to sleep, 

knowing that nights like this won't last forever. 

That you are growing bigger by the day- 

and that all too soon, you won't need me, and will be going to bed on your own.

Well... 
I'm assuming one day you will be going to bed all on your own. :) 

It makes my heart ache in so many ways

to think of you growing up into a little man. 

As I was rocking you to sleep the other night 
you looked at me with those big bright eyes. 
The same eyes I looked into when you were just days, weeks old. 

So many memories flooded my mind of nights with you
short, long, easy, hard,
and it made me tear up. 

It made me appreciate those nights, 
each and every one.
Just you and me.
I have cherished each and every minuet-
just holding you close, watching you fall asleep so peacefully. 

I guess my whole point to this post is I had no idea
what kind of Mamma I was going to be. 
I had thoughts in my mind about how everything would go.
My baby would be perfect, never be crabby, and sleep like a champ. 

Although perfect,
I soon realized how unpredictable our little ones could be.
From day one. 

And that 
never. changes.

It makes me so thankful that I took advice from others
but at the end of the day, did things the way I felt most comfortable. 

I quickly grew more and more confident in the decisions 
Daddy and I have made
when it comes to how we chose to raise you.

Not to say we have made all the "right" ones,
but the ones we have made have been right for our family. 

You may be 19 months- and just now starting to sleep 8+ hours, 
but I wouldn't have had it any other way. 

My advice to the new Mommy's out there-
listen, read, take advice,
but always go with your instincts. 
You will truly know what is best for you
and your little family. 

And yes, sometimes that means rocking a 19 month old to sleep. :)

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