Mama Moment

Hello Friday!

This week has been very frustrating for me,

but here I am to put everything into perspective. 

My little man has never been a sleeper, but I've always just gone with it. 

I don't complain on Facebook about how I get no sleep, and about how tired I am.

(Only to my husband... Sometimes!) 

I am a Mama to my sweet little boy and that comes before anything.

However as I am trying to grow and stay on top of my business, 

I've become very frustrated this week.

The longest naps I can remember Jackson taking are about 2 hours, 

but those days are rare.

(He has never, ever been a sleeper, even as a newborn.)

At the most, I get a one, hour and a half nap.

(I talk about my thoughts on lack of sleep here)

An hour and a half a day to myself... what do I do?

Clean up the mess from building with blocks, playing with hot wheels,

and reading all morning?

 Finish the dishes, laundry, water the plans outside (whoops!)

or take that time to work on my custom orders, design a new product, 

prepare for my next blog post?

So much to do, literally not enough time.

This week, Jackson has been falling asleep only to wake up a half hour later.

I see he's still tired, yet it takes me almost an hour to get him back to sleep. 

My schedule has been non-existent.

Sometimes I don't shower until an hour before my husband gets home, 

sometimes I just throw my hair up, and say maybe tomorrow. 

(I always brush my teeth and put on deodorant though- I'm not THAT gross!)

I don't ever take it out on Jackson,

I just hold it in (healthy I know!) and grow more and more frustrated by the day. 

But I absolutely hate that.

We all know when you hold things in those feelings build up,

and sneak out at the most inappropriate moments. 

So this week I've felt my frustrations spilling over into other parts of my life.

I'm drained and have no energy.

(If anyone wants to send me an iced caramel macchiato from Starbucks, 

I would be forever grateful. :) 

However, as much as my husband may not know, 

and as much as I don't want to admit

I love reality checks. 

It snaps me out of my funk, and makes me really realize what I have,

and how grateful I am for this life I was given. 

As I'm sure with many others I've been following Prayers for Shane on Facebook.

And if you don't know their story you can click here to read it. 

First of all, what an amazingly strong couple. 

I don't know if I would have it in me to be as strong as they were-

knowing what their end result would most likely be. 

Yesterday their sweet little boy was born, and passed away just hours later.

Reading the story brought tears to my eyes, but then I saw the pictures they posted. 

I couldn't help but cry.

A sweet, innocent baby boy, born into this world, 

who didn't have a chance at a life full of love and adventure.

Two loving parents who did everything right, 

and still left the hospital without their son in their arms.

I have a happy, healthy little man, who I thank God everyday for.

Why was I letting such silly things get to me?!

What that couple wouldn't give for a few frustrating days with their son.

I'm sure they would give their left arm to be in my position, 

and here I am all week long letting these silly feelings build up.

Over what. 

It makes me realize just HOW blessed my husband and I am.

Jackson spent 10 months in my belly growing as healthy as could be. 

Not one complication.

The day he came into this world was a little stressful, and with some umbilical cord issues, and his heart rate dropping to levels we were definitely not comfortable with, 

we had a moments notice before a safe and successful c-section.

Then, there he was. 

Healthy, beautiful, perfect, and safe in my arms. 

I don't take a second of my life with him for granted.

I know that a healthy baby is such a blessing.

Following baby Shane's story made me realize that sometimes life isn't fair,

and that sometimes things are out of our control. 

It made me realize the things I was getting worked up about were beyond silly.

And that's the thing with social media.

You see that you are not alone.

There are all sorts of mama's out there, all with different stories. 

Each and every one with their own struggles.

The last story that really hit me was little Ryan (Red Balloons For Ryan)

I did not know the family personally,but every time I looked at the sweet Mama's Instagram

I couldn't help but tear up, looking at pictures of her perfect little boy.

One day here, the next taken way too soon. 

Anytime I hear a story involving little ones, I automatically think of Jackson.

I can't imagine my life without that little bright eyed, huge smile, little ball of love and energy.

So what I've realized,

If the worst of my problems is a short nap, I'm seriously one of the luckiest mamas.

I got so mad at myself yesterday afternoon, 

the fourth day of Jackson totally being off his schedule.

I just sat down with a fresh cup of coffee, opened up my laptop,

and as soon as I sat down, I heard him crying. 

I let out a loud sigh- told my husband how frustrated I was

closed up my laptop and went back into his room.

I picked him up, sat in the rocking chair, and looked at his sweet, innocent little face.
And that is when I thought about baby Shane.

His parents literally got a few hours with him, to hold him, kiss him, keep him in their arms.
I get each and every day.
I held Jackson so tight, and didn't care how long it took for him to fall back asleep.

It literally took an hour, but he finally fell back asleep.

I laid him on the floor, then laid on the floor next to him.
(You know those times when you just want to be close to your babies?)

He curled his little body into mine, wrapped his little arm around me,

and squeezed me tight.

How did he know that is just what I was needing?!

I don't know why he's not napping, but is it worth all the negative energy?

Definitely not. 

This should have never even turned into an issue in my life in the first place.

(I can be a little crazy sometimes.)

He is happy, healthy, and my everything.

All I can do is adjust to these new schedules,

which I'm sure will change, oh, only a million more times. 

I truly wake up each day, more thankful than the last.

For my life, my little one, my husband and our family, and for our health.

I hate that sometimes I let these little frustrating moments turn into bigger ones. 

Especially when they are just that. 

Little moments. Imperfect moments that will pass. 

So, here's to a much different attitude next week!

TGIF! :) 

Currently

I've been inspired by all the "currently" post I've seen lately, 
so after weeks of wanting to join in, I decided to finally do one of my own!

Currently | 09.30.14

Watching | Modern Family from last Wednesday.
(Thank you DVR for keeping this in a safe place 
so we could finally watch it after our little man fell asleep.)

Reading | the Hunger Games, Mocking Jay.
I'm obsessed with the first two books AND movies,
however I'm not only behind on TV- but reading as well. 
I'm taking a week to start AND finish Mocking Jay so I can finally watch the trailer 
and start counting down the days until part one comes out.
*SO NO SPOILERS PLEASE & THANK YOU*

Listening To | Pandora's Toddler Radio 
I really try to limit the amount of TV I let my little one watch, so for most of the day
we have Toddler Radio streaming on Pandora.
Some days after I get him down for a nap, it will be a good 20 minutes before I 
realize I am still listening to "If Your Happy & You Know It."
So either I really enjoy the music, or it makes me so crazy I just tune it out. 
I still haven't decided which one it is. :)

Working On | The Simply Sweet Prints Holiday Collection.
It's no secret that I am absolutely obsessed with Christmas, 
so I am over the top excited about my first collection of Holiday Cards. 
I'm just starting to make notes of what direction I want to go, and hope to 
launch the collection towards the end of October. 

Feeling | Stressed. In almost every aspect of my life right now. 
I'm just trying to keep my head on straight and be thankful for the things that I do have, 
and know that everything happens for a reason.

Planning | With my little man's (gasp) second birthday party just a couple months
away I'm already in planning mode. 
Right now I'm focusing on the invitation and decorations.
I seriously can't believe he is going to be two. It's weird even typing that.
With a few breakdowns the week before his first birthday, 
the day of I was able to keep my mama composure together.
Fingers crossed for year two! 

Loving | It is officially fall, and the weather in AZ is finally starting to cool off.
Well, at least in the early mornings and evenings. 
I'll take what I can get for now. :) 

My Favorite Photo | My favorite little man, in mama's favorite jammies.
(Can he please stay this size for the rest of his life!) 

Discipline

This story has been bothering me so much, 

and making my heart ache so bad,

that I had to write something. 

When I heard / read the story about Adrian Peterson beating his 

four year old boy, 

(yes, I'm saying he "beat" his child, no, he did not just "spank" him)

I was literally shaking I was so angry.

I had to hold back tears just thinking about the abuse

this poor little boy went through.

(If you're not familiar and want to read the story, you can click here)

I'm not going to go into a ton detail. 

It is honestly one of the most disturbing articles I've read in a very long time. 

I'm just going to say it. You may disagree, and that is fine.

But I do not believe in spanking. At all. Not even for a second.

I feel a "spanking" as many explain it, 

can get out of hand very quickly,

especially when you are already heated and angry.

I feel as though there are many, many other, 

and much more effective forms of punishment. 

And oh my gosh, I get it. BACK IN THE DAY it was done, a lot. 

Many may even say it was normal.

But I would really, really like to think that today in 2014

we could rise above that, and implement one of the 

MILLION other forms of punishment that are out there.

I also do not want to hear (and am so sick of hearing)

 that you were spanked as a child and now due to that

you are a perfect well rounded, respectful member of society. 

You can teach your children right from wrong and to be respectful

 in MANY other ways

other then physical harm and by putting fear into your children.

It may take more work, but I promise you, it can be done.

In most cases, as in this one, I firmly believe that

the Dad was not sorry for what he did. 

He truly believed his kid deserved this form of punishment.

He was not sorry for beating HIS OWN CHILD on his bare skin

oh, only about 15 times.

He was not sorry for the cuts, scrapes, bruises, and bleeding that he caused.

He was smiling in his mug shot, which made my skin crawl.

He talked to his little boy's mother and said the following, 

which all made me feel like I was going to throw up.

Peterson said “To be honest with you, 

I feel very confident with my actions because I know my intent.”

And then went on to describe the incident as a “normal whooping."

He also described some of what he did, and that he does not feel like he did

anything wrong.

The child told his mother that Peterson “likes belts and switches” 

and “has a whooping room.”

The little boy was also reported to have said 

that Peterson put leaves in his mouth when he was being hit with the switch while his pants were down,

 and also expressed worry that Peterson would punch him in the face

 if he reported the incident to authorities.

Kids will be kids. 

From what I read, this was all because he pushed his older brother off his bike.

What. The. Hell.

How on earth would this be considered 

a valid form of punishment for those actions. 

From a little FOUR YEAR OLD and his brother. 

When Adrian Peterson's attorney referred to him as a 

"loving father"

I seriously almost threw up,

and had to stop. I had no desire to read anymore. 

When I think of a loving father, 

I think of my husband, Ryan. 

Who under no circumstance would lay a hand on our child. 

He wouldn't, even for a second, think to cause any physical pain

to his little boy, his son.

Ryan would take a beating for his son, never, ever give him one.

I don't care how you were raised. 

Two wrongs, especially when causing physical harm to your own child,

do not make a right.

I have seen more comments defending Peterson's actions

than about how wrong and abusive he was to his child.

I do understand there are worse cases of child abuse out there-

but I do not feel as though that makes this case and less severe.

I have seen numerous comments stating that he is a football

player and he can do whatever he wants. 

And that is one of the many, many things wrong with our world today.

I pray the people leaving those comments never have a child 

that has to go through what this child did, 

and I'm sure has on more than one occasion.

Can you image a football player hitting you, 

let alone a little boy with no means to defend himself?! 

Can you image hurting your own child so badly, 

that he is afraid of you, and probably fears every time he has to be around you.

I pray Peterson gets the punishment he deserves,

and I pray others can follow this story, see the wrong

 and learn from it. 

And I will most certainly be praying for that sweet, loving little boy-

that he is kept safe and kept far away from his "father"

for the rest of his life.

I can't hear a story like this, and not think of Jackson. 

He is so little, so sweet and SO innocent. 

It make me want to hold him close, keep him safe,

and love him even more if that is possible. 

I know he will grow up, and not always make the right decisions. 

But I can promise you, we will get through those times with him

as a family, in a million other ways. 

At the time I'm writing this-

Peterson as been booked on charges of child abuse and 

it is stated that he could face two years in prison,

which I do not believe is nearly long enough.

__________________________________________

I am very aware your feelings may be different than mine,
and of course that is fine.

You are more then welcome to leave a comment, 

but I'm just going to leave them as is, with no response.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, 

and this was not intended to start any heated discussion or arguments.

Lessons

The second I found out I was pregnant, 

I started thinking about the type of Mama I wanted to be, 

and what I wanted for my little one, and the lessons that would be important

for me to teach them.

This is an on going list, but here are the first few lessons I hope 

my little man will take and carry with him throughout his lifetime.

Keep a kind heart. 

In a world where there is so much negativity,

I want to teach Jackson to keep a kind heart.

I want to teach him to be aware of other peoples feelings,

and I want him to learn how his actions effect those around him.

I want to teach him to do things for people without expecting anything in return.

I want him to know that a small gesture can go a long way,

especially for those in need.

I want him to know that everyone goes through tough times

and those tough times will be when others will need his kind heart the most.

Give.

Your time. Your heart. Your smile. Your stories.

You will have so much to offer this world, 

and I truly believe you will be able to help make it a better place.

Don't be afraid to share what you have with those around you.

Interact.

Interact with those around you.

In a time where everyone is so consumed with their own lives,

and of course technology,

I want to teach Jackson to take the time to interact with others.

And not those close to him, those that we pass by in every day life.

Some days, I walk around my neighborhood, run errands, go in and out of stores, 

pass dozens of people, with zero interaction.

I hold doors open, and will say hi,

and just watch them walk by with not as much as a glance in my direction.

So Jackson, don't just look down, or look away. 

It's okay to actually look at someone while passing, and say "hi" to them, 

or just simply acknowledge them with a smile.

It will make the both of you feel good, I promise.

How about you? What lessons are important for you to teach your little ones?

Little Moments

I take in each and every little moment with my son. 

Each one, good and bad. 

I try to take those moments, and wrap them up, and bury them deep down

in hopes that I will never, ever forget them.

But I know with time, some memories will fade, 

and that truly makes my heart ache. 

Jackson is just 20 months, but as he is getting older the sweet and not so sweet 

moments are growing more and more by the day. 

So here I am.

Writing one of those sweet moments down, keeping it in a safe place 

a place I know I can come back to at any time. 

Today we had your second dentist appointment. 

(We still have you rear facing in your car seat which sometimes makes things

a little harder when you are fussing and we are not sure why.)

Today was one of those times. 

You started crying and I couldn't figure out what was wrong.

(We later found out it was because there was a fly in the car, that landed on you, 

and you were not happy about it.) 

:) 

So, in hopes to help calm you down, 

I reached behind me and started playing with your little hairs, 

and as I was doing that, you grabbed my finger. 

Then you held on so tight, and stopped fussing. 

(*my heart instantly melted, by the way*) 

Due to the positioning of your car seat

my arm started falling asleep. 

As much as I didn't mind, I slowly pulled my arm away

to give it a break- and as soon as I did

you were reaching out to hold my hand again. 

So, I took one for the team :)

and reached behind me again.

This time you grabbed tightly onto my finger again, 

and rested your sweet little head on my arm. 

I get emotional a lot, and this was no exception. 

You are the sweetest little boy, 

that sometimes I'm not so sure I can even handle it. 

I never, ever want to forget how much these little moments

make my heart feel so full. 

It makes me feel like I'm doing something right. 

You can't say I love you yet,

but in those little moments, I feel like that is your way of telling me.

20 Months

Dear Jackson,

This weekend you turned 20 months. 

I'm not sure why, but I've had a really hard time with this one.

I'm not sure if it's the "2" now instead of a "1"

but 20 months just sounds so big.

And it doesn't help that 

in just four short, short months you will be two years old.

I can't grasp just how fast time is going.

Multiple times this past week, as I was rocking you to sleep

tears fell from my eyes.

You truly amaze me each and every day.

You are growing so big, and so smart right before my eyes.

I wish I could freeze these moments

and always remember them with such strong detail

so that years from now when you are big and grown

I can look back and remember them

as if they were happening for the very first time. 

How sweet it sounds when you say "yeah", "no" and "more"

How my heart feels like it's going to burst when you 

wrap your little arms around me and squeeze so tight.

The way you always want to be right by daddy and me. 

Your sweet little kisses,

Your big bright eyes,

and the most contagious laugh I've ever heard.

.

The adorable way you say "done" and "hot"

and how cute you get when you know you are doing something

you are not supposed to. 

The heartmelting way you want to help with 

literally everything.

The heartbreaking way I look at you each day, 

just a little bigger and older than the last.

Your love for the kitties and the dishwasher.

The way you have to bring your "buddies" to your bedroom at night

(aka your cars)

and put them on the dresser so you see them first thing in the morning.

The way you pretend to hurt yourself, 
and then say "ut-oh"
while walking towards us, so we can give you a kiss.
And the way you pretend to fall,
then laugh so hard.

The way I still get to hold you tight,

and rock you to sleep each and every night. 

The way you feel laying on me, sleeping so sound.

How you will just lay next to us and snuggle up close,

especially when reading books. (Lots of books!)

The stories Daddy tells me after he's taken you 

for a boy's night to a baseball game.

The biggest smiles you get when Daddy comes home from work.

The way you don't want to leave his side

once he is home.

The way you mimic everything and every sound we make,

and all the new words you try to say that just come out

like your own foreign language.

You say them over and over again, 

like we are the silly ones for not understanding. 

How you can now walk with us places, 

while holding our hands so tight.

I always catch you looking up at me, 

with a big smile, 

and inside I know you are feeling like such a big boy.

The sound of "mama" no less than a hundred times a day.

The way you look at me, with a big smile and love in your eyes

a million times a day.

There are so many more moments I just never want to forget, 

and that is still one of the biggest fears I struggle with.

I take time to enjoy every moment, 

but they are just passing too quickly. 

I love you Bubba Bear. 

I pray you continue to enjoy each and every day,

and each and every little moment.

I love you with all I have,

Mommy