20 Months

Dear Jackson,

This weekend you turned 20 months. 

I'm not sure why, but I've had a really hard time with this one.

I'm not sure if it's the "2" now instead of a "1"

but 20 months just sounds so big.

And it doesn't help that 

in just four short, short months you will be two years old.

I can't grasp just how fast time is going.

Multiple times this past week, as I was rocking you to sleep

tears fell from my eyes.

You truly amaze me each and every day.

You are growing so big, and so smart right before my eyes.

I wish I could freeze these moments

and always remember them with such strong detail

so that years from now when you are big and grown

I can look back and remember them

as if they were happening for the very first time. 

How sweet it sounds when you say "yeah", "no" and "more"

How my heart feels like it's going to burst when you 

wrap your little arms around me and squeeze so tight.

The way you always want to be right by daddy and me. 

Your sweet little kisses,

Your big bright eyes,

and the most contagious laugh I've ever heard.

.

The adorable way you say "done" and "hot"

and how cute you get when you know you are doing something

you are not supposed to. 

The heartmelting way you want to help with 

literally everything.

The heartbreaking way I look at you each day, 

just a little bigger and older than the last.

Your love for the kitties and the dishwasher.

The way you have to bring your "buddies" to your bedroom at night

(aka your cars)

and put them on the dresser so you see them first thing in the morning.

The way you pretend to hurt yourself, 
and then say "ut-oh"
while walking towards us, so we can give you a kiss.
And the way you pretend to fall,
then laugh so hard.

The way I still get to hold you tight,

and rock you to sleep each and every night. 

The way you feel laying on me, sleeping so sound.

How you will just lay next to us and snuggle up close,

especially when reading books. (Lots of books!)

The stories Daddy tells me after he's taken you 

for a boy's night to a baseball game.

The biggest smiles you get when Daddy comes home from work.

The way you don't want to leave his side

once he is home.

The way you mimic everything and every sound we make,

and all the new words you try to say that just come out

like your own foreign language.

You say them over and over again, 

like we are the silly ones for not understanding. 

How you can now walk with us places, 

while holding our hands so tight.

I always catch you looking up at me, 

with a big smile, 

and inside I know you are feeling like such a big boy.

The sound of "mama" no less than a hundred times a day.

The way you look at me, with a big smile and love in your eyes

a million times a day.

There are so many more moments I just never want to forget, 

and that is still one of the biggest fears I struggle with.

I take time to enjoy every moment, 

but they are just passing too quickly. 

I love you Bubba Bear. 

I pray you continue to enjoy each and every day,

and each and every little moment.

I love you with all I have,

Mommy