This may be silly, but I'm sure I'm not the only one
who feels this way.
Becoming a parent makes watching the news hard.
Much harder than it used to be.
Especially when most of the news is negative news.
Now, whenever I hear news stories involving accidents or deaths,
my mind, along with an ache in my heart
(naturally I assume) always goes directly to Jackson.
So with yesterday's news of Robin Williams death being a suicide
I can't help but have a few thoughts on my mind.
I just have to say
I've never lost anyone due to suicide,
I don't know anyone battling depression,
and I, myself, have never been depressed.
In the grand scheme of things,
I know this makes me very uneducated on the whole topic.
I'm not here to talk about Robin Williams,
or to act like I know everything about depression.
I do understand depression is very real and very serious.
However, I always have the same thoughts.
I just can't wrap my head around someone feeling so down and alone,
to where they think taking their own life is their only option.
I just don't understand it, no matter how many stories I read,
and no matter how hard I try.
I've always thought of it as selfish, but that is not a fair judgment
because no one really knows what that person is going through.
I would like to think that most, if not all people battling depression,
have at least one or two people that truly love them
more than anything,
And I would wish for them to know that they are not alone
and that with time things would get better.
But I know it's not that easy for them.
I can't help but always wonder the same thing
every time I hear of a suicide.
When they feel like there is no other option,
do they think about their husbands, wives, moms, dads,
brothers, sisters, children and / or babies.
Do they think about how their actions will affect them.
And if they do, how can they still think suicide is their only option.
My heart breaks for them, and their families.
Again, Robin Williams is an actor.
It is sad, and tragic, but his death did not affect me personally.
What does affect me deep down is thinking about my family.
My husband. My little man.
I can't imagine a second without them,
and I can't ever imagine them hurting so badly,
and there not being one single thing I can do to help them.
To know that there is nothing you can do or say to
to take their pain away and
make them realize that their life is worth living for.
That they are worth it, and that they are loved by so many people.
I pray and pray again that my little man never feels a pain so deep.
I think of Jackson, just a year and a half old,
with his whole entire life ahead of him.
My worries already start to take over, thinking of him growing up.
Right now, he is safely at home with Ryan and I,
and we can keep him safe and protect him from almost anything.
But what about when the times comes, where we can't.
No matter what life throws at him, I just pray and pray that he always knows
how loved he is, how much his family cares for him,
and that he knows that he is enough, and that he is worth it.
My heart aches for those battling depression,
and I pray that deep down they can see that there are people out there
that love them, and that are there for them.
If not during their lifetime, after they have passed
I hope they can look down upon their loved ones
and see just how many lives they touched,
and just how many people really did love them.